Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
