so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
