I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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