remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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