you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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