I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
