I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's blow job season.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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