There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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