She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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