dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
