I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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