guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How's work?
Spinning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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