Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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