New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
