in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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