Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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