Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
