My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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