Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
