If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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