i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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