I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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