K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've blown a few things in my day
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
