he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
