grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
