your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
