i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
