I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
