Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
