I wish I could punch you in the face.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize