Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
