I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
