I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
