I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize