Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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