Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
