Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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