Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
