I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
