I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
