My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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