Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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