This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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