Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sober January is a disaster.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
