Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
