I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
