I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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