I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
