My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
