i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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