No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
