i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
