You made me cry and you don't even care
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
