last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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