Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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