We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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