My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
