i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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