yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
