Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
