you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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