I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
