it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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