she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
