You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
